George Carlin
The society we live in -- Things to think about
Short takes -- Driving -- Breaking news

Have you ever noticed that when you're drivin', anyone goin' slower than you is an idiot? And anyone goin' faster than you is a maniac?

Wouldn't it be nice to have an electric board that would rise up out of the trunk of your car and let you type in any message you like? "Attention asshole! You drive like old people fuck. Slow and sloppy."

Here's one of those things you have to do every time you drive, especially if you're in a hurry. It happens at you approach a red light, and you find several lanes of cars ahead of you. As you roll up to the pack, you have to decide which lane to get into. You have to guess which are looks like a good bet to take off quickly, so you can move out fast when the light turns green. With half a block to go you have to decide who's going the really fast asshole in this group up ahead.

Forget the Volvo, she's listening to public radio, and drives the way she lives - with fear and caution. You'll want to avoid that Toyota with the fish symbol; Christians drive as though Jesus himself was a traffic cop. And, by all means, ignore the Lexus with the heavily made-up, bejeweled pig woman. She has the reflexes of an aging panda.
Ahhhhh! Here's the correct machine to get behind: a Camaro with four different shades of primer paint and a bumper sticker that says "I date my sister." This guy's a real risk-taker; full of crank, and on his way to an AC/DC concert. You'll be home before you know it.

Drinking and driving don't mix. Do your drinking early in the morning and get it out of the way. Then go driving while the visibility is still good.

The society we live in -- Things to think about -- Short takes -- Driving -- Breaking news

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