George Carlin
	The society we live in -- Things to think about Short takes -- Driving -- Breaking news

Politics:
American was founded by slave owners who informed us, "All men are created equal." All "men," except Indians, niggers, and women. Remember, the founders were a small group of unelected, white, male, land-holding slave owners who also, by the way, suggested that their class be the only one allowed to vote.
Where to politicians come from? They come from American homes, American families, American schools, American churches and American businesses. And they're elected by American voters. That is what our system produces. That is the best we can do - garbage in, garbage out. I'm getting tired of fuckin' Earth Day. I'm tired of there self-righteous environmentalists, white, bourgeois, liberals who think the only thing wrong with this country is that there isn't enough bike paths. Trying to make the world safe for their Volvos. There's nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine. The people are fucked! Compared to the people, the planet's doing great. It's been here for over 4.5 billion years. We've only been engaged in heavy industry for just over 200 years. 200 verses 4.5 billion…hmm?

Children:
Think about the statement, "Well I love my children." Fuck you! Everybody loves their children; it doesn't make you special. John Wayne Gracy loves his children. Yes, he did. He kept 'em all right out in the yard, near the garage.
There is too much emphasis on safety and safety equipment: childproof medicine bottles, fireproof pajamas, child restraints, car seats. And helmet! Bicycle, baseball, skateboard, scooter helmets. Kids have to wear helmets for everything but jerking off.
Concerning school shootings, if a kid can handle the violence at home, he oughta be able to handle the violence at school.
Concerning school uniforms, it's not even a new idea. I first saw it in old newsreels fro the 1930's, but it was hard to understand, because the narration was in German! But the uniforms looked beautiful. And the children did everything they were told and never questioned authority.
It is nonsense to blame tobacco companies for kids who smoke. Kids don't smoke because a camel in sunglasses tells them to. They smoke for the same reason that adults do, because it's an enjoyable activity that relieves anxiety and depression. And you would be anxious and depressed if your parents filled you with Ritalin to get you in a mood they approve of and then drag you across town to meaningless structure: Little league, Cub scouts, swimming, soccer, karate, piano…

What about the idea that because of quaint local customs that over 80 million of our woman have had their clitorises and labia cut off and their vulvas sewn shut in order to make them more marriageable and unable to derive pleasure from sex and thus never be a threat to stray from their husband's bed?

Disguising the truth: American English is packed with euphemisms because Americans have trouble dealing with reality, and in order to shield themselves from it, they use soft language. There are no old people in this country. They all died, and what we have are "senior citizens." I understand the fear of aging is natural; it's unversal, isn't it? No one wants to get old, no one wants to die. But we do. We die. Poor people used to live in slums. Now "the economically disadvantaged" occupy "substandard housing" in the "inner cities." Smug, greedy, well-fed white people have invented a language to conceal their sins. Just think about homelessness. They need to change its name. It's not homelessness, it's houselessness. It's house these people need. Home is an abstract idea; it's a setting, a state of mind. These people need houses. Physical, tangible structures. They need low-cost housing. Maybe if we were not to use this type of language, people would realize what is going on, and that there are actually problems in the world. And maybe we could solve them.

Used to be: Now is... Used to be: Now is... toilet paper bathroom tissue sneakers running shoes false teeth dental appliances medicine medication information directory assistance the dump the landfill motels motor lodges house trailers mobile homes used cars previously owned vehicles room service guest room dining zoo wildlife park strike job action swamp wetlands jungle rain forest garage parking structure glasses prescription eyewear constipation occasional irregularity gambling joint gaming resort soap opera daytime drama theater performing arts center prostitute sex worker riot civil disorder wife beating domestic violence drug addiction substance abuse

The 20th century was a wonderful time. The following is a list of some of the "great" events that happened.

2 world wars	250 civil wars	311 holy wars	1 cold war
516 wars of liberation	331 wars of containment	691 wars of honor	296 declared wars
856 undeclared wars	4 bushfire wars	2 vest pocket wars	413 limited wars
1,987 acts of war	7,756 warlike acts	88 police actions	2 nuclear attacks
6,578 government massacres	4 holocausts	943 jihads	693 pogroms
614 long-term prosecutions	12,111 acts of treachery	575 betrayals of the masses	958 grabs for power
400 putsches	50 total enslavements	837 partial enslavements	4 total genocides
461 partial genocides	13,658 cease-fire violations	3,115 boundary disputes	1,432 border clashes
3,047 social conflicts	798 sectarian rivalries	13,678 civil disturbances	946 carpet bombings
4,288 threats to security	286 popular uprisings	1,877 areas of unrest	622 strife-torn regions
165 internal upheavals	745 political repressions	12,194 acts of sabotage	1,633 swift reprisals
818 arms resistances	639 repressive measure	1,126 violent outbursts	9,876 mass detentions
11,904 guerilla operations	3,466 suicide missions	823 slaughters	1,200 bloodbaths
43,096 atrocities	161 reigns of terror	715 rebellions	28 revolutions
21 counter revolutions	746 coups	745 countercoups	457 insurgencies
458 counter insurgencies	4,622 covert operations	3,422 direction interventions	617 enemy incursions
13 measured responses	295 commando strikes	694 retaliatory raids	844 surprise attacks
236 protective reactions	2,155 frontal assaults	213 responses of kind	17,687 hostile incidences
4.756 belligerent moves	938 naked aggressions	849 foreign adventures	601 overseas entanglements
307 arms races	98 international powder kegs	515 regional tinderboxes	818 military flashpoints
2,415 heated exchanges	911 shows of force	668 heightenings of tension	735 deliberate provocations
921 military confrontations	639 dangerous escalations	3,721 terrorists bombings	438 preemptive strikes
630 outside aggressions	8,571 violent disturbances	646 surgical strikes	4,392 diplomatic deadlocks
82,879 ultimatums	788,969,747 heated arguments	823,285,571 shoving matches	917,704,296 fistfights
942,759,050 snotty phone calls

The society we live in -- Things to think about -- Short takes -- Driving -- Breaking news

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